the doom of deli meat

So going into this whole pregnancy thing, I knew I was going to feel a whole realm of emotions.  I knew that I'd freak out, i knew that i'd be ridiculous excited, i knew at some point i'd be impatient, that i'd be moody, and crazy and neurotic...however, no one ever really talks about how extreme some of those feelings can be...and how irrational you might respond to them.  So, since it's been a couple days, and i am able to look back now and laugh at myself, i thought i'd share my biggest melt-down so far.

so it was sunday, a gorgeous day...a perfect day for a baptism!  yeop, my sweet cousin(?) rylie was baptized on sunday.  of course the event was insanely gorgeous, because her mom, my beautiful-talented cousin, Cassidy, planned out every single detail...and if you know cassidy, you know, that means, every. single. detail. :)  i am so happy to have her in my life, so she can help me plan out all the little details in life.

anyways, while at the "small" (100+ people) reception after the baptism,  I scarfed down a delicious sandwich...filled with deli meats!!!  at the time, i didn't think anything of it (baby brain to blame?).  but then, it all came crashing down.  when i got home, i realized what "awful" thing i did...i had subjected my unborn child to DELI MEAT!  deli meat is on the "AVOID" list...of course, i went straight to the computer to WebMD what might happen, and had started to convince myself that i had indeed put my baby in great harm.  adam, being the ration man that he can be, made me close the computer, and to go for a walk.  while on the walk, i started feeling really nauseous.  and on our way back, it hit...here i was, at a bus stop, with my head in the trash can.  thankfully, no one was around except for the cars speeding by.  but that was it.  that had sealed the deal (even though i've been sick pretty much this entire pregnancy).  i knew i had harmed my marshmallow.  i was sobbing. the kind where you can't breathe.   with adam there, telling me that everything was fine and that i am a good mom, he was finally able to talk me off the ledge (such a good hubby).   He also reminded me that we had a dr. appointment on tuesday, where we would be able to hear little marshmallows heart beating, and talk to the dr. about any concerns we might have.  so, for the most part, i was fine...besides the awful nightmares i had that night.  

well...after talking with my dr., and doing some serious reflecting, i am pretty certain that everything is ok (at least for now).  the truth is, that it wasn't the deli meats that made me sick...it was my prenatal vitamins!!!  besides forgetting that i wasn't supposed to eat deli meat, i also forgot that i had taken my vitamin with lunch...  after going through that thought with the dr., she gave me a different vitamin to try....and good news!! i haven't thrown-up since!!!!

i'm sure there will be more freak out, panic attacks, waves of guilt, etc...but i know i am blessed to have the love and support of so many wonderful people.